The Gospel of Cheek

The Gospel of Cheek: In the thirty-first, or maybe twenty-ninth year of the Emperor Augustus Caesar- divi filius- the provincial priest Zachariah had been slotted to perform the once- a- year prayer and sin offering, as his particular cohort of priests and levites was in charge of Yom Kippur- the Feast of Atonement- that year. The priest- and only he- was allowed to enter the Abaton ( " don't go there ! )and that only once a year, exactly to prepare himself for the sin offering required of him and the nation on that day. The angel greeted the priest: " surprise; the lord sent me "... " what: YHWH or Elohim ? " queried the country theologian. " the same, " replied the angel; " there's only one. " " Hear o Israel.. " " that's the one ," the angel conceded. " you are a surprise, " countered the priest. " can't you wait? your wife.. " " what's that to do with her.. scapegoat of the day ? Would you please leave her out of it, " Zachariah stated bitterly. " It is bad enough that she is barren; half the tribe wants me to divorce her and get a younger one; her days are sheer misery, most of the time; if that is someone's idea of a joke,or has someone sinned along the line ?" There were many moments when the angel- Gabriel, most likely- was more than pleased that he was not human; yet he was quite capable of anger and sorry he could not roar at the priest as he would have liked: " would you shut up, Zachariah; in fact, you will, as of now; for your wife, Elizabeth, is going to have a baby in nine months, as women sometimes do.. don't tell me how old she is.. not that you can, at the moment.. " " a boy, " silently hoped the priest, against any hope, seeing that he could not talk. " yes, a boy, " the angel assured him, " he'll turn into a prophet when he grows up.. " " not allowed to shave and eat meat or drink wine, one of those; what have we done to deserve all this ?" the priest thought, in utter consternation. " Nobody has done anything, let alone sinned ", the angel gently assured the forcibly-silenced priest. " Complete the sin offering, if you would ", he urged, " and then leave; they will understand that you had a vision.." " Not that they'll believe me, " despaired Zachariah; " I hope that this creature hasn't promised Elizabeth a child, of all things; she gets upset enough when I am in Jerusalem and she is at home; I hate coming back at times like these.." " calm down, old man ", the angel tried. " No, I did not appear to your wife; she'll find out the usual way.." " how did he know that we did it last week.. not without some groans and moans.. " marvelled the celebrant, risking a leer. He somehow managed to get through the rest of the solemn occasion, aware that he would never again be in an official position to celebrate the national sin offering in his life; not being allowed to talk once it was all over might not be a bad thing, he told himself when he wordlessly left the ' abaton ' . His fellow priest understood without being told that something unusual had happened. A few months later, his family had a visitor, a young girl relative of his wife's who had come all the way from a small town in far- north Galilee, on foot and by herself: " My parents are not well, the boys are working and Yosef has a big job on his hands, the synagogue in Nazareth .." Miriam offered by way of breathless explanation. Zachariah was very quiet when he was told; he had to be, as he was not yet allowed to talk, but he was suspicious; all by herself, and getting away with going through Samaria all by herself; not that Miriam did not have guts. " Leave it to the women, " he thought. " I don't want to know.." By and large, these last few months had not been bad; it was very quiet, the home continued to be looked after as if nothing had happened and Elizabeth was beginning to show which had mercifully silenced their most vociferous relatives and kept the women in the house busy; maybe having young and capable Miriam around might help, after all. Elizabeth waited until all the maids were busy- or resting- somewhere else before confronting Miriam: " I should be honoured; for something special has happened to you; how does Yosef feel ? " " as confused as I am ", her cousin ventured a smile. " He managed to corner me by ourselves .." " not easy.. " the older woman commented, speaking from experience. " He kept looking at me.. " " ' there is only one way that girls can get pregnant and I didn't do it'", Elizabeth suggested. There, it was in the open. " Nor did I ", affirmed the girl. " You would say that, wouldn't you? " whispered Elizabeth. " Well, anyway, " she continued, " the baby 's been kicking me something shamelessly ever since you arrived .." " ever done that before? " " not like that, Miriam " " must be a boy ", the girl concluded; " they are never very patient; take my brothers.. ' " Yosef also ?" " No, he is better than most; he is confused and angry.. " " are you ? " Elizabeth asked, concerned. " In fact, no: I think the Lord our God is about to shift and shaft quite few people in the process, " Miriam erupted. " God in Heaven, " Yohanan's, the future prophet's, expecting soon-to-be mother exclaimed: " I heard you and I agree; keep quiet, girl, though; what do your brothers feel about it ? " " Yosef did a remarkable thing ", Miriam told her; " as soon as he found out.. " " from you, Miriam ?" her cousin wondered. " No, strangely enough not; he won't tell me, though. Anyway, he visited us and threatened my brothers if they were even thinking of an honour killing.. " " goodness, with violence, Miriam ? " " he does be a redhead, like our ancestor David, but much more subtly; he'd stop the entire guild from doling any building jobs for my family, likewise with any furniture, and he'd tell the elders at our synagogue.. " " he's got that job, didn't he.." " that's why I didn't ask him to come, Elizabeth; he's employed half the guild on it.." " that big, no wonder he can lay down the law.. " " and the prophets " , added Miriam, anticipating her future son by thirty years with that comment. " It is good to have you here; you help me and Zachariah being a priest has the occasional uses, even though he is not allowed to own land; his position keeps you safe while you are with me.." " God bless you, cousin ' the girl concluded.